Procrastination...

Well here I am, procrastinating instead of the doing History coursework I should have handed in over a week ago...

I had a violin lesson this morning with Harry. Today's lesson was all about "pushing Abi into the right kind of technique, which will make her violin playing ten times more marvellous", as I heard Harry telling my father afterwards whilst I went back upstairs to grab my abandoned coat... Before I even heard this I knew the objective of the lesson whilst I was having it. It was that hard to tell really... I didn't mind at all. I'm welcome to anything that will improve my playing. I'm so desperate to be good at playing the violin. More than even I believe sometimes... Hardly anyone can see it. My father certainly can't. I think he's under the illusion that I only practise violin so much because he nags me to. Although I don't mind, because it urges me to practise even more, and he does provide so much for me, so I can hardly complain. Every time I meet I Harry I'm filled with ambition and urgency to be a better violinist. He's had such an amazing life, met so many amazing musicians, played everywhere, taught the best, witnessed the best... Although somehow, he never boasts. When I'm older, if I had a fraction of the life that he's had, I would be boasting until the cows came home. Being with him, I believe that I will do anything to succeed, and that having his sort of life is the only thing I could ever want. I can't desrcibe how much this idea thrills me. I don't want to end up a wash out... I know everyone says that when they're my age, regardless of what their ambitions are, but I have such a need to be a musician that doing anything else in my life as a career seems almost repulsive.

So many people say how impossible it is to be a successful, true classical musician these days. How that everyone is drawn to 'pop music' and that no one has time for classical music or musicians anymore. This thought depresses me so much. Many violin teachers, even Harry to an extent, are telling their pupils to stay away from becoming professional classical musicians. However, I think Harry has already given up on trying to convince me with how obliviously determined I am... I hope that they are wrong. I need them to be wrong.

P.S - I will be uploading a post about the camping trip soon. I just needed to rant about this first...

Abi x